This is going to be interesting.

I went in to the Colorado DMV to renew my driver’s license ahead of a trip to Costa Rica this weekend and now I’m doomed.

I blocked out a hour figuring that’s about how long a five minute process would take when government bureaucracy was involved and was delighted when it only took fifteen minutes.  It would have been even faster but I had to run out to the car to get the vehicle registration because now you have to have some proof of address that is not your drivers license.

Luckily they don’t really care and are just checking off bureaucratic boxes because the car isn’t even registered in my name so it wasn’t proof of anything.

I filled out the organ donor info, did the eye test and paid my $24.37.  They used a little machine to punch holes spelling “VOID” in big letters all the way across my old license.  I stood against the screen, they snapped a bad photo and I figured I’d be out of there in with a new license in record time.

I was barely paying enough attention to catch “…will be mailed to you in 30 days.”  I asked what would be mailed, and the photographer replied “your new license,” as she handed me back the old VOIDed license and a little slip of paper and said “this is your temporary.”

I was a little confused because even a decade ago when I last had to renew my license they had this cool modern technology that allowed them to print it out on the spot, multi-layer plastic complete with a holographic security image and hand it to me.

I asked if there was somewhere I could pick it up sooner and she replied sarcastically “only if you want to fly to Washington.” Not only was it sarcastic but it was a lie.  I found later that even if I did fly to Washington they wouldn’t give it to me.

They couldn’t have told me this before they punched VOID in my old still valid license!?

I explained that I was headed to Costa Rica in a couple of days and she assured me that they would accept the little piece of paper.  She had obviously never been to Central America.

I asked if they had a stamp or an embosser or something that they could put on the slip of paper to make it look more official than something I printed up at Kinko’s.  She told me that was ridiculous.  She had really obviously never been to Costa Rica.

I once had to get a second notary to write, sign and stamp a letter of certification stating that the first notary who had notarized a document for me was actually a notary.  Those two stamps and the letter were required before I could submit the document to the Costa Rican consulate in Houston to get a gold star on it (I’m not kidding they really have these little gold star stickers they use) indicating that it originated in the U.S.

This is going to be interesting.  The only thing any official eyes are going to register is that huge VOID.  They won’t care one little bit how many slips of paper I have.

I’ll write from prison if they let me use a computer.

Maybe I can find some little pieces of plastic to glue back in the holes…Sorry, I gotta stop writing and head down to Walgreen’s to see if I can find some gold star stickers to make this thing look more official.

Update:  Back from the trip and no prison, no problems!  No one even thought twice about accepting the paper license.